I can Dream.... Right?

Progression of the painting for the post, "In the Studio: Color Joy," stay tuned to see it develops.


I DREAM of being ready when a Licenser comes calling to sign me, for some main stream product design all while still maintainimg my small business at least until I get popular enough with the company that I am designing for in which I make an income that will contribute handsomely to our family... oh, lets say to start just $45to 50 thousand a year with the first ultimate goal being $60, 000 (you see how I am not trying to limit myself, LOL!).

I DREAM of first becoming a very successful Etsy seller, one that designs things that people can't wait to own (I am working on getting my courage up I have being working on product for too long and have not put a real effort toward uploading anything to sell in my shop). Becoming so popular of an Etsy seller that, I must hire an assistant to help me manifest the merchandise ideas that I want to sell, is my first goal.

The problem with this Dream is....

In reality, I have been stunded!! I have been blind sided by an unsupportive love one. All my life I have been told how talented I am and I actually start selling things I made when I was young, so up until now I believed fully in my talents and what I had to offer the world. It use to seem that I could (beautifully) make anything I put my full efforts into and people approved. But my confidence has been ground to a halt by words of discouragement from someone I love. I pray and I ask myself why am I not able to let this roll off my back and press on... I don't know.

I am still painting and crafting things, I just am dragging my feet when it comes to putting these things up for sale. All of the sudden I am afraid that what the "unsupportive loved one ," says is going to come true and that if this happends I will have know reason to ever paint or craft again (I have always enjoyed painting and crafting for not only my enjoyment but for others to enjoy and the selling part is my need for validation of my talents) I know this sounds very dramatic but I feel this just may be what I believe deep down inside... CRAZY, I know... but very real for me.

I am still writing my thoughts out loud in hopes of breaking this "spell," so that it is not just a DREAM.

Desultory: Rambling

Randon Pictures from my inspiration board.

Again I feel this need.

End result I immediately want to get to the end result. I must learn to enjoy the process of my art although I'd like to think I love the "creative" part of my art... some times I just don't know. What raises doubt is the fact that I am a procrastinater when it comes to just about everything in my life...why? I must get over this it's been to long. But I must say I just now truly understand that when I got things done in the past in a timely manner it was always because I had to do them, the pressure I felt as a single parent made me very bold and crafty, I would always made and sold things when it was just me and my oldest daughter... although I did not think it was because of pressure to make ends meet, now looking back that was the motivation and the dream of having my own Salon and Gift shop was there to keep me having a Ultimate Goal in life which served the purpose of keeping me hopeful for my future.

I am a mother, wife and artist, in that order so a lot of time I have many other responsibilities but my art is important to me. I have been an artist; creative/ crafty person ALL my life, I can not remember a time when I was not creating even if it was not physically, meaning that I could be shopping for anything food, clothes, furniture and the thought would cross my mind on how I could make it differently, what ever "it" was. Right now as a Work at Home mother I have time to reflect on my life and how I operate and frankly I am not exactly liking what I am coming to believe about me. You see I would like to have continued to believe that I am this BOLDly Creative individual that will let nothing stand in my way of what I want. But now the question is what do I want? The Gift Shop/ Salon that sells these hand made few of a kind gifts for: self and friends, with this great little 4 or five seater Salon in the back that specializes in healthy hair care, curly, straight or relaxed.... I think I still want this. But when??? I have not consistantly applied myself with the time I do have in between my children and husband.... Family first, Right? Or is this an excuse.

I am aware and now I shall put into place a workable way to get over this and change but how? I do want to be a SUCCESSFUL Artist and entrepreneur and wife and mother and YES,I can have it all.

Rambling Ahead

The titile says it all I just want to type what is in my head at this moment, it may or may not make since but you've been warned and yes you are welcome to read on or Not.

It is 12:40 after noon here in Connecticut and I have sat down to FREE myself and this blog of the stiffness that it has I guess this would be an excersize to loosen my writing joints if you will. I have always loved art and even the art of writing not saying I felt that I personally am any good and it, in fact I know I'm not but I have this dream of some day writing a book...Wow! I said that out loud. I have lots of opinions and thoughts but not the right words to place on paper to get people to "get it." My husband is a man of many words and he's good with it written or verbally. I admire that in him although at times it can also get on my last nerve.

Yesterday I started yet another painting, while I have yet to complete my "Afro Series" and the Butterfly Project and many other thing, like the rose pillow etc, etc. I LOVE CREATING, but finishing in a timely manner.... well that is another story. This is crazy to me I know procrastinating in not a good thing in fact it's bad because it doesn't allow for the BEST me to shine through in all that I do and can do. I must get over this I have been this way for way to long, oooh the wasted years and the sabotage I do to myself and the things that I say that I want, to be, to do, to have. It's no one but me. I Pray for strength to do what I need to do I Pray for will to accomplish my dreams, goals, etc.