Desultory: Rambling

Randon Pictures from my inspiration board.

Again I feel this need.

End result I immediately want to get to the end result. I must learn to enjoy the process of my art although I'd like to think I love the "creative" part of my art... some times I just don't know. What raises doubt is the fact that I am a procrastinater when it comes to just about everything in my life...why? I must get over this it's been to long. But I must say I just now truly understand that when I got things done in the past in a timely manner it was always because I had to do them, the pressure I felt as a single parent made me very bold and crafty, I would always made and sold things when it was just me and my oldest daughter... although I did not think it was because of pressure to make ends meet, now looking back that was the motivation and the dream of having my own Salon and Gift shop was there to keep me having a Ultimate Goal in life which served the purpose of keeping me hopeful for my future.

I am a mother, wife and artist, in that order so a lot of time I have many other responsibilities but my art is important to me. I have been an artist; creative/ crafty person ALL my life, I can not remember a time when I was not creating even if it was not physically, meaning that I could be shopping for anything food, clothes, furniture and the thought would cross my mind on how I could make it differently, what ever "it" was. Right now as a Work at Home mother I have time to reflect on my life and how I operate and frankly I am not exactly liking what I am coming to believe about me. You see I would like to have continued to believe that I am this BOLDly Creative individual that will let nothing stand in my way of what I want. But now the question is what do I want? The Gift Shop/ Salon that sells these hand made few of a kind gifts for: self and friends, with this great little 4 or five seater Salon in the back that specializes in healthy hair care, curly, straight or relaxed.... I think I still want this. But when??? I have not consistantly applied myself with the time I do have in between my children and husband.... Family first, Right? Or is this an excuse.

I am aware and now I shall put into place a workable way to get over this and change but how? I do want to be a SUCCESSFUL Artist and entrepreneur and wife and mother and YES,I can have it all.